The Gift of Temptation

I've sat down a couple of times to blog during the month of February only to find myself too exhausted to complete a sentence. So I'm bound and determined to finish them even if it is a month or so later.

 That being said, the last Friday in January, I had a really good session with my therapist. We talked about a lot of things that had been on my mind. I talked with him about how hard it is to be an addict and a perfectionist, (cruel freakin world)! He gave me a quote from the book "He Restoreth My Soul." Which is amazing by the way.

The quote actually comes from the SA white book. It says, "Often, seeing we've stopped acting out our habit for a time, we feel we're free of it forever. This may just be the time it strikes again. So the realization slowly dawns that we may always be subject to temptation and powerless over lust. We come to see that it's all right to be tempted and feel absolutely powerless over it as long as we can get the power to overcome. The fear of our vulnerability gradually diminishes as we stay sober and work the Steps. We can look forward to the time when the obsession-not temptations-will be gone.

We begin to see that there's no power over the craving in advance; we have to work this as it happens each time. Therefore, each temptation, every time we want to give in to lust or any other negative emotion, is a gift toward recovery, healing, and freedom-another opportunity to change our attitude and find union with God. We didn't get here in a day; it took practice to burn the addictive process into our being. It takes practice to make our true Connection."

I absolutely love this whole section! This completely changed my perspective and helps me get rid of my shame when I am tempted. For so may years I'd beat myself up over being tempted. I had never viewed it as a gift!

I really liked how it said that we can look forward to the time when the obsession will be gone not the temptation. When Christ was on the earth, he was tempted. He chose to obey and as a result was able to cary out the Atonement. He showed us by His example just what a gift temptations can be.

Being tempted is part of this life. It's okay to be tempted! We are here to be tempted, tested, and proven. The choice is mine on what I want to do with that temptation.  And the consequences are pretty cut and dry. I can use the tools of recovery, work the steps, and build a stronger recovery, or I can give in, act out, and start back at the beginning.  It seems so clear now, the difference between temptation and obsession.

I never thought I'd be grateful for temptations. I just wanted them to be gone with regards to this and at times I still do.  But, in some crazy way I'm starting to view them as opportunities. Opportunities to heal, to become stronger in recovery through The Lord, and build trust with Alicia. Each good choice, no matter how small, is a victory. Those small victories lead to bigger victories over time. In a sense, all victories are huge. It will take years to undo the damage it took me years to create, but that's a topic for another day.

This view gives me peace and claity. I no longer look at temptations as "what's wrong with me?" But as "this is my opportunity to make the right choice." Temptations are my opportunity to put the steps into action. For that, I can say that I am beginning to be grateful for opportunities to heal. I know I am powerless over my addiction, and I know I'm not perfect at this and that's okay. Because Christ is perfect, and throuhh Him there can be power over addiction. His power. His Atonement gives back the choices addiction has robbed. For that I am grateful for opportunities to choose Him.