Prepared

Recently I've seen one of the Lord's tender mercies that applied to me personally and it came from two different avenues. Right now I'm on step 3. It's been a challenging step for me mainly because the first two steps, at least for me, were more realizations than actions. Realizing that I am powerless over this addiction and what it's doing to my life. And realizing there is hope in and through Christ. But step 3 actually says, "Okay now that you've realized these two concepts, put your trust in God." DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

It requires me to pray, LISTEN, and then follow the prompting.  Sounds easy enough. But if there is one thing that this addiction has done to me more than anything it is having a lack of confidence in receiving revelation. It would be so nice to just have the Lord come down, look me in the eye, and say, "Danny, I want you to do this..." I can do that. I would know for sure it is His will and not mine that I'd be carrying out. But, then I wouldn't grow. With that in mind, I have been asking Him to show me His hand in my life every single day to teach me to recognize when He is trying to communicate with me. And He has!

Lately I've been reading a chapter a day from the scriptures. I've started with The Book of Mormon. I have always struggled getting through Nephi, let alone getting something profound from his writings, but lately I've really come to appreciate him.

When Nephi and his family were in the wilderness, he talks a lot of the struggles they had. They were in the wilderness for 8 years. They had left all of the comforts of home, Lamen and Lemuel were a pain in the butt, Laben tried to kill them, their women traveled pregnant and had babies. Food was hard to find at times, and anything else you can think of when it comes to traveling in the wilderness in 600 B.C. But through this, Nephi did what ever the Lord asked of him. He became, "Highly favored of the Lord" and eventually became a leader of his people.

While reading about these things, I also watched a movie about the pioneers called Ephraim's Rescue.

 It is the story of Ephraim Hanks and the Martin Handcart Company, the trials they went through, and the blessings they received. In this movie we're shown the trials and struggles Ephraim went through and how he came to find he gospel and some of the gifts the Lord had blessed him with. The movie also shows the struggles of the pioneers. Loss of life, loss of limbs, exhaustion, starvation, being exposed to the elements, and many other hardships. Some, like Nephi and his family, left riches and comforts behind.  When the main character, Ephraim Hanks, arrives, he had realized that some of the gifts the Lord had blessed him with, could be used to bolster the saints.

I've heard some of these stories before but this movie touched me. What came to mind from these two stories is how the Lord prepares us through our trials. Many of the pioneers went on to hold callings in the church after they arrived in the Salt Lake Valley. Some were general authorities, some patriarchs, stake presidents, bishops and relief society presidents. But more importantly some were faithful the remainder of their days and blessed the lives of their posterity for generations. Nephi was prepared to lead a nation, his family, and the church. All were brought closer to God.

My point is, no matter the calling or situation in life, the Lord prepares us through our trials and, if we are faithful, and endure our trials well by seeking to draw closer to God and turn our will over to Him, He will prepare and mold us into what He would have us be.

I've always heard the scripture that says the Lord will make our weaknesses strengths if we humble ourselves before the Him. I have always wondered how on earth He could make THIS weakness a strength? It is a question that has haunted me for years. But I am beginning to see it. That in and of it self is a tender mercy for me. He's known about that question since I first started asking it. It has not been asked recently but He knew I needed to see His hand in my life right now, and so He's making Himself known to me in very personal and intimate ways.

With this new realization, I have new found purpose and motivation in my recovery. I understand that something good can come out of all of this. That gives me hope. I also know that the Lord uses our trials to prepare and mold us into what He would have us be. The decision to turn our will over to Him is ours and it can be a hard thing to do. But when we do, amazing things can happen. I want so badly to become what He would have me be. I wonder what some of the gifts are that He has blessed me with and look forward to discovering and developing them. It is not always going to be easy, and I know I won't be perfect at it but, I look forward to getting to know Him better and trusting in Him more.