From Den to Light

At the end of July of this year, my wife came to me and told me she was done with our marriage in it's current state. She had been fighting on her own for so long and she was done. She couldn't do it anymore. She had pulled the hand cart alone long enough.

Hearing those words was a huge eye opener for me. Being faced with losing all that I hold dear, my wife, my children, my FAMILY. It was as if there had been layers of white sheets over my head. As they slowly came off one by one with each new realization, I would see little by little what this addiction was actually doing to my family and to me. But only seeing bits and pieces didn't give me the whole picture of what was going on. Each sheet brought on new clarity, but I could not see the big picture...until that night. The words, "I'm DONE," ripped all of the sheets off and for the first time I could finally see. What I saw broke my heart. It wasn't pretty. In my minds eye, I pictured myself standing in the aftermath of a tornado.

The difference being I was the one who caused the damage. My actions were the reason for the wreckage, the pain, and the agony, not mother nature's.

Shortly after my wife told me this, I had to go to a training for work. I had a lot of alone time in a hotel room by myself. During that time, I had time to think a lot. That room became a sacred place. I didn't let any outside influence in. The Lord blessed me with many tender mercies that week.

One thing in particular that came to my mind was the story of Daniel in the Lion's Den. Daniel had been faithful all of his life. He had tried to do what was right by the Lord and yet, in spite of this he found himself tossed into a den of lions. Daniel had but one place to turn. The God he had been so faithful to all of his life. Naturally Daniel should have been a gonner. Those Lions should have ate him to pieces. And yet, when the den was opened the next morning, Daniel was alive and okay. I'm sure he was scared out of his mind that night. Who wouldn't be with cats who could take you out in one swipe all around you. Despite that fear, Daniel turned to the Lord.

 The mouths of the lions were shut. They had no power over him.   

As I thought about this story, it hit me. Sexual addiction, or any addiction for that matter, is as ferocious and powerful as a lion. 

Once it gets a hold of you, it's nearly impossible to escape. It doesn't care who you are or how good of a person you are. It could care less how hard you are trying to keep the commandments and it sure doesn't care about your family or those who love you most. It only cares about one thing...FOOD. Unlike the lion, it never gets full. It's never satisfied always looking for more. It comes in many different forms and can be very stealth. But no matter the form, the result is the same. Destruction and carnage.

Now for me, the difference has been, a sort of Stockholm syndrome with those lions and that den. How SAD! For the longest time, I have been too affraid, too prideful, and too blind to see what destruction and carnage was going on in that dark den. I'm mad at myself! What have I missed?! What have I not seen or should I say who?! I'm sad that I'm just now seeing this. TRUELY seeing this!

Yet, there is hope. Sweet, wonderful hope. That same God that saved Daniel from those menacing lions that night CAN and WILL save us from the menacing lions of addiction IF we will let Him. He can save even me! He stands ready at the door waiting for us to surrender our will to His. It will not be as easy as just jumping out, that lion is not going to be so generous. The light will be bright and may be painful. The wounds will take time to heal. And yet, if we do nothing, we and everything we hold dear WILL be devoured. Its not a natter of IF its WHEN. But if we turn to the Savior, if we turn to the resources of recovery, we can come out from the darkness of the den and into the light.