Lessons Learned Part 1

Friday I had the opportunity to attend a funeral. I didn't know this person. I'd probably met him through work but it was probably brief and more than likely in passing. Everyone knows that at funerals no one talks of the bad things about a person but of the good. But attending this man's funeral and hearing about how he lived his life was inspiring to me. I know the Lord wanted me there that day. I could see it in how I felt during the funeral. This was not an LDS funeral but the spirit was strong.

One speaker's words, in particular, caught my attention. I could tell this man was LDS by the way he talked, (LDS lingo haha). The speaker and the deceased had been coworkers for many years as well as good friends. The deceased had had cancer and while going through his own treatment, volunteered at the cancer center helping those who were also going through treatment. The speaker stated that his own wife was diagnosed with cancer and that when she was going through chemo, this man was there and spoke peace to her and helped calm some of her fears. He had been through it and was now able to help someone else as I'm sure he was at the beginning of his treatment.

Funny, but this was not what initially struck me and was not my intention to share when I decided to write this. But I feel what I have just learned from typing this story is what needs to be shared instead. I'll write what I was going to share in my next post. It is interesting that lately simple stories or situations I find relating to addiction and the many things all of us go through weather we are the addict or a family member of an addict.    

There have been many who have helped me on my journey towards recovery. Some don't suffer from addiction. But many do. Some are still in the midst of fighting their own battle much like the man who's funeral I was at.  Many I've never even met or held a conversation with but their words, their story, their journey I have read about on their blog and it helps me. At times it has calmed my fears in some way. Or, it has given me the motivation I needed to get through that day of treatment. I can relate to their words and what they're going through and they can relate to me.

There have been, (and are), some days I've been scared, down, or have thought that I can't go another day fighting. That this is too much. I also remember how scared I was to let ANYONE other than those closest to me know that I have this addiction. Somehow, I thought I was part of a very rare group of LDS men who suffer from this, (I know right?!). Not only have I come to know how wrong I was in that respect, I've also come to know how those fears kept me from getting the help I needed. When I first talked with a man in my ward who also suffers from this addiction, I remember feeling relief that someone else knew what I was going though. I remember the strength it gave me to learn from him.

I also remember how I felt when I learned that someone I really looked up to in the ward spiritually, also suffers from this addiction. Again I felt relief as I talked with him and could relate! But I also felt strength as we shared our experiences. Both of these men are farther along in the process than I am. Both of  these men are good men! It helped me realize that I too am a good man! I didn't used to think that. I used to think that I was spiritually inferior because I couldn't conquer my "bad habit." Now I know better.

Now when I hear of someone else going through what I'm going through; it gives me courage, strength and stamina. I don't worry about what they're going to think because they're not there tearing me down, they're there building me up! They're going through it too! I see now more than ever how important support is in this journey called recovery. This disease is every bit as damaging as cancer. Hence the terms like "healing" and "recovery." It may not have the same visual effects as cancer, but the support during treatment is every bit as important.

One of the main reasons I have started this blog is to build that network of support as I journey towards TRUE recovery.

I am very early on in my treatment process but I hope that eventually I can also be of some support to others to repay the support that has been and is being given to me.

This story reinforced to me the importance of support. I CANNOT do this alone. I'm grateful that I can see it's value more now. I'm grateful for the gospel and for the programs the Lord has put in place to help us through this healing process. It shows to me that He truly is the great physician. He knows what we need and I know that if I'll listen to Him, I can get better.